I am a creature of habit. I hate making decisions, so once I find something that works, I'm pretty good at sticking to it. I order the same things at any restaurant I go to. I know what I like. That is not to say I don't try new things. I am good at giving anything new a try, but I default to what I know, in the end. This is true of work, people, places, food, activities and so forth.
This year has been a year of lots of changes. I am celebrating my 5th year at one job, and 3 years at my other. This is the longest I've held a job anywhere, at this point. It has inspired me to pursue furthering my education. I am also facing a lot of parenting challenges. I have a teenage girl in the throws of puberty. She was the easiest CHILD I have ever encountered, and now that the hormones have hit, she is a completely different person than I've been use to and that is a big adjustment. Along with that, I co-parent with her father, who recently moved out of state, and as we have agreed, at the end of this month, she will be moving to spend a semester to live with him and his wife and son. We are giving her a chance to experience what it will feel like to live away from either parent, and how she can manage school in each place. Another change I experienced was learning how to advocate for myself in relationships. I started this year dating someone and working hard to express my needs and open up a pathway to receive constructive feedback. That relationship didn't work out, in the end, but I've learned a lot and have used what I learned to foster and build a healthier relationship with a man I've been in love with for almost a decade. That addresses professional, parenting, and relationship growth.
The biggest change I've been working on is for my health. I have been obese most of my life, or at least as far back as I can remember. That's not to say I am lazy by any means, but most of my preferred hobbies do tend to be more sedentary. From what my parents have told me, it started when they separated, because they used food treats to stick-it to the other. Then they both made unrealistic dietary constraints as a preteen and teenager, which built a horrible self image, and a bad relationship to food. I have been working with a team of medical professionals for about 2 years. In October I got the news that I was approved to pursue a gastric sleeve surgery. I am working on mindful eating, choosing movement over laying around, and learning simple exercises that I can do at home. As I started this journey I began to think about the changes I am looking forward to, such as shopping for clothes ANYWHERE, feeling sexier, being able to move easier... but more recently I've began trying to think about the parts that are going to be mental roadblocks. I've heard a lot from other people who have had a bariatric surgery and there are going to be a lot of mental and emotional things I'll have to relearn how to deal with. One of the one's I am most focused on is my self image when the person I see in the mirror is no longer the person I have always known. I wonder if I will still feel like me when I look at myself. I worry about not liking skinny me. I worry about the leftover loose skin that my body doesn't have the ability to shrink down, and how I will feel about that. It's easy to say you can accept it when you are pursuing something, but putting those words into actions when it comes time is a whole different ball of wax.
So, here is to 34 and a new year full of change. Gird your loins... This girl is ready for battle.
